While listening to The Creative Act, I began to understand where my hesitation comes from. I put off activities such as talking with people, responding to messages and completing projects due to me considering myself as too slow. This has ended up creating a feedback loop of lack of progression. I'm slow at what I'm doing, so I become discouraged. I feel discouraged and so I don't act, which inhibits any form of progression. Speed is gained through practice - sounds simple enough... I don't know why it didn't come to me sooner. The more practice I put in, the more fluid my thoughts and responses will become. I've always felt like there is something missing in everything I do; a key which would unlock the next phase. I've come across that key before through thoughts and experiences, though recently I had forgotten that it can't be attained through inaction.
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Note to self. I haven't documented anything so far. Anything I've done in the past years has been left behind under different pseudonyms. My mind has been scattered, unable to focus on one thing. It wanders into an abyss of distraction and at some point I wake up only to realise all the time I've wasted. Here I will track my progress. Why in public? A lot of realisations I've made so far have come from others sharing their experiences. I've always been reluctant to share anything with the world. Nothing has ever felt good enough to do so. I'm now coming to terms with the fact that nothing is meant to be perfect. The interesting part is the process, not the outcome. Not sharing would be a disservice. Plus, I want to improve my writing skills. It validates my existence.